Wednesday, 9 May 2012

Garden Trolls

Pop stars make more money from their death than they do during their life.  This explains why there is a little white bony man living in the shed at the end of my back garden who goes by the name of Michael Jackson. He sits opposite the 42” inch plasma, laughing his head off at Conrad Murphy whose being trialled for his supposed “death”.
            “I can’t believe the fools buy this,” he chuckles under his breath while two Philippine women shake their palm tree leaves for effect (keeping in mind it’s a frosty Irish November morning). The question that rings out in my mind is ‘Why would Michael Jackson choose Ireland as a place to live his death?’ The answer of course is unknown.
            The court case is adjourned for the day and Michael makes a call from his blackberry curve.
            “Well, Smurf,” he says in a put on bogger accent, that really doesn’t compliment the delicate tone of his voice; although it must be done for fear the neighbours overhear him. “You did well today, I’m proud of ya man. The check is in the post don’t you worry about that,” he winks at his Philippine friend, hangs up and slouches back into his armchair.
            “Turn up the heat Alexandra.” He snaps his fingers and the girl to his right throws more wood on the open fire. Yes this shed is deceiving on the outside. As they say never read a book by its cover.
To think, ‘The Michael Jackson’ is occupying a space in my back garden is a very exciting prospect, or at least was. It didn’t take me long to find out that this great “Hero” of our pop generation is nothing but a fake, a phoney, a money pincher. About two weeks after his alleged ‘death’ an old friend of mine came knocking on the door. Someone I owed a couple of favours to you see, and that is where it all began. Now Whacko Jacko sleeps at the bottom of my garden every night and counts his pennies during the day. It’s often I’ve passed his hut on a dark winter day to hear him counting “33, 35, 36, 38” in that disturbing voice of his.
            It would surprise you to think a man that has earned over $300m profit since the two years of his death is living at the bottom of my garden; it would surprise you he is living at all of course. Surviving on beans and toast and CNN footage of a court case that brings him back to life. They say that he is greater in death than he was in life. From my bedroom window he doesn’t look that great.

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